I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I need to calm my uterus...
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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