did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
