I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
