I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
