she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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