I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
