I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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