I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
