We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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