and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
