I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
is it fun? or sober?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
