people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
