I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize