Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
