Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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