You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
