woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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