Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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