Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
