im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
