I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
