You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
