Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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