I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
