god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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