overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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