I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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