did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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