she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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