Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
