Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
