i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
