The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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