I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
