we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
