How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My penis needs a shock collar
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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