Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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