those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
