i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
apparently the secret to your success is patron
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Randomize