i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
