shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
