hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
