mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
