The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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