she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
