My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
