Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
it's great music for shaving your balls
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
