My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
