I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
