I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
