I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
