wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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