Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize