Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
