after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
