So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
