My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
