What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
