No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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