I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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