In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
