the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
