I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
