I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
