I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
