It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize