you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
