at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
