She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
