just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
