They should really pass out barf bags in church
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
