We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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