I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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