Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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