just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
