I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
