the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
