Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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