You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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