Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she peed on how many people?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
