i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
