i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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