my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
