You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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