anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
