"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
