i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just had sex bonerless
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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