oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
