Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
where am i from again
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
