I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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