Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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