There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
