i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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