i need an iv and a liver transplant
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
