his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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