I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
