This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
