So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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