Having a random hookup so left but love u
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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