she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
