I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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