Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
