Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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