did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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